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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26687110">All I Ever Wanted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwings948/pseuds/dragonwings948'>dragonwings948</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who &amp; Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio), Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Audio 08.04: Erasure, Confessions, Depression, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Loneliness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:55:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26687110</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwings948/pseuds/dragonwings948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Leela remembers everything she heard during Erasure and Narvin and Romana's avoidance of it causes a rift between them and Leela that may not ever be mended. As the situation only worsens with time, each of them is forced to consider who they are, what they truly want...and if they can live without each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leela &amp; Narvin &amp; Romana, Leela &amp; Narvin (Doctor Who), Leela &amp; Romana II, Leela (Doctor Who)/Narvin (Doctor Who), Narvin &amp; Romana II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>You can blame <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofLothal/pseuds/LadyofLothal">LadyofLothal</a> for how terrible this is because we were screaming about Erasure together and she just kept making things worse and so the fic I had formed in my head when I first heard the story got worse and worse...and here we are. </p><p>Title from The Prince of Egypt, and subsequently there are references to the movie/musical peppered throughout the fic. I may add a long author's note about all of the references at the end of the whole fic if anyone's interested. :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Narvin waited anxiously outside of the medical ward.</p><p>They had assured him and Romana and that Leela would be fine. A well-placed blow on the head had knocked her unconscious for a bit, but she hadn’t sustained any kind of lasting damage. Still, Narvin couldn't help but worry; not only for Leela, but also about what she might remember.</p><p>He casually asked one of the nurses if Leela would recall anything that had happened after she’d been knocked out. The nurse replied with a note of condescension that with Leela’s weak human mind, it was unlikely she’d surfaced enough from unconsciousness to hear or see anything. Narvin breathed out a silent sigh of relief. That would have been awkward on several accounts.</p><p>Romana still knew that he had poured out his hearts, of course. She’d been gracious enough not to say anything about it, but Narvin found himself wondering exactly how much she’d heard. Did she suspect the truth of what he felt for Leela? He had a hazy memory ofuttering a forbidden endearment – no, two – as he finished telling Leela his tale. That surely would have given him away.</p><p>His thoughts swirled in a pool of worry as he waited. Though it seemed like hours, his mind told him it had really only been a few microspans, and the nurses were confident Leela would wake up soon.</p><p>He cleared his throat, eager to break the silence. He shifted in his chair and looked down, avoiding Romana’s gaze. “When you arrived at Heartshaven…” He paused. How did he finish without incriminating himself? “What exactly did you hear me say?"</p><p>"I heard your…<em>confession</em>, I suppose you could call it, and I seem to recall you telling Leela that she's made you a better man.”</p><p>He winced. Of course she'd heard that.</p><p>"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Romana said. "Leela has made me better, too. That's what she does." A small smile twitched at her lips and she looked at the door as if expecting Leela to walk through at that very moment.</p><p>Narvin felt relief wash over him. Romana thought his actions had simply implicated feelings of friendship toward Leela. Only he knew better. Seeing Leela lying prone before him and feeling helpless to do anything about it had made certain feelings he’d tried to keep hidden rise up within him. He’d dared to say things he’d never declare to her out loud. He’d sobbed out the truth of how much she meant to him. He’d only just stopped short of telling her that he—</p><p>Well, he hadn’t used that word in a long time.</p><p>The door to the ward whirred open. Narvin shot to his feet and turned as Leela came walking through, looking for all the world as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.</p><p>Narvin and Romana rushed to her in tandem, but Leela waved them away and said she was all right. Narvin had the strange urge to hug her, but he knew the sentiment wouldn’t be appreciated and Romana would know for sure that he didn’t just think of Leela as a friend. So he refrained, but stayed close to her anyway in case she lost her footing.</p><p>“Are you <em>sure </em>you feel well enough?” Romana asked. “You can stay here as long as you like.”</p><p>Leela’s expression shone with determination. “I am fine, Romana. I have a headache and the nurses told me to rest, but I am fine.” She met Narvin’s eyes and smiled. His hearts nearly stopped; <em>that devastating smile. </em>“They told me what you did. Thank you, Narvin.”</p><p>He cleared his throat, trying to come back to reality. “You’re welcome, though I didn’t do much. I simply carried you and then waited for Romana to come to the rescue.”</p><p>Something blipped at Romana’s belt—her communicator. She sighed. “There’s always something.”</p><p>“Go, Romana,” Leela urged her.</p><p>“I’ll make sure she gets back to her quarters safely,” Narvin said.</p><p>Leela cast him a glance that he pointedly ignored. Of course she felt like she could do it on her own, and really he had no doubt she could; he just wanted to be sure she was safe.</p><p>Romana nodded and offered them both a brief smile. “Thank you, Narvin. Leela, I’ll look in on you later.” Then she strode quickly down the corridor, reverting to a business-like tone as she spoke into her communicator.</p><p>Narvin stretched out his arm as an invitation for Leela to lead the way. He kept pace beside her, trying to think of something to say but unable to focus on anything but the things he wished he could confess to her right now when she would hear them.</p><p>“Are you all right, Narvin?” Her gaze quickly roamed over him like she was checking for any obvious signs of trauma.</p><p>“I came out practically unscathed.” Part of him wished that he could have traded places with Leela when they had been in the House of Heartshaven; though he didn’t fancy being knocked on the head, he wouldn’t have all of these roiling emotions to deal with right now if he had been unconscious. “Like I said, all I had to do was sit there. I almost feel guilty.” He wanted to swallow the words as soon as he said them. He <em>did </em>feel guilty.</p><p>Suddenly, Leela stopped. Narvin came to a halt next to her and reached out, fearing she was still suffering from a concussion. “Leela?"</p><p>But her eyes were focused, brows furrowed like she was concentrating very hard. “I…I remember things. Your voice, Narvin, and you were…” She trailed off, a frown deeply etched into her expression.</p><p>Narvin’s mind went into a panic. <em>No. </em>She couldn’t be remembering. “I’m sure you were just dreaming.”</p><p>“No, I do not think so. It feels like it was real.” She raised her head sharply to meet his gaze. “You were telling me a story of the Doctor.”</p><p>Narvin wanted to run. His mouth went dry. He knew he had precious nanospans in which to answer. A thousand different responses ran through his head, a million different futures unfolding before him.</p><p>"Just a dream, Leela," he insisted gently. "Now come on, we need to get you back to your quarters so you can rest."</p><p>Leela stared at him for a moment, her gaze narrowing. Had he been convincing enough?</p><p>“Can I trust you, Narvin?”</p><p>The words hurt like a physical wound, but he was in too deep now. “After all we’ve been through, I should hope so.”</p><p>She seemed to think for a moment, and then her expression lightened a little and she continued walking. Narvin swallowed hard, trying to calm his breathing as he followed her.</p><p>Romana was right.</p><p>Leela could never know.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm...sorry...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Narvin knew the next day that he hadn’t gotten away with it.</p><p>He went through half the day without seeing head or tail of Leela; and while that wasn’t entirely unusual in itself, when he spoke with Romana, she said she hadn’t heard from her either. She’d checked her quarters, but Leela hadn’t been there.</p><p>Romana must have seen the panic surface in his eyes because she instantly asked what was wrong. Narvin explained his lie from the day before, and while Romana didn’t agree at all with the method, she realised he had been trying to protect Leela from that terrible knowledge.</p><p>“Unsuccessfully, it seems,” Romana finished with a sigh. “I’m afraid, Narvin, that you might have just made things much worse.”</p><p>Regardless, Romana reminded him that they both had duties to return to. When Narvin arrived back at the CIA Tower, he couldn’t even remember how he’d gotten there. All he knew was the fear that was turning his blood to ice little by little. Because it was bad enough that Leela knew what he told her in that wine cellar, but if she knew he had lied to her…</p><p>The next time he encountered her, he was rather sure he wouldn’t escape without being both emotionally and physically wounded.</p><p>It was hopeless to even try to concentrate the rest of the day. He passed on the most important tasks to someone else and sat in his office, trying to work out how he could fix this. He was stuck entirely in his own world long past when everyone else had left until his door suddenly slid open.</p><p>His heart leapt into his throat when he saw it was Leela.</p><p>She entered before he could even recover. With her feet and legs coated in dust, her hair wild and windswept, Narvin knew she must have gone outside the Capitol.</p><p>“L-Leela,” he stuttered, standing to his feet. “We were worried about you.” He couldn’t help the way the words rushed from his mouth like he had a million things to hide. “You shouldn’t have gone without telling us, you could have—”</p><p>“You would not care what happened to me, ” she snapped. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest. Narvin felt a sense of foreboding come to weigh heavily on his shoulders. There was a determination in her countenance that he really didn’t like. “You lie to me, you keep secrets when I trusted you.”</p><p>He noticed the past tense of the word <em>trust </em>and felt something constrict in his chest.</p><p>It was funny how, after all the time he’d spent trying to figure out what he’d say to Leela, words came tumbling out of him without a thought. “Leela, let me explain—“</p><p>“No.” The word rang out and echoed in the tiny office space. <em>“I </em>will explain to <em>you, </em>Narvin. What I heard was not a dream. You and Romana used this…this <em>Ou-bli-ette </em>to erase a whole planet from time.”</p><p><em>“I </em>used the Oubliette. Don’t blame Romana. It was my idea alone.”</p><p>“Did she not allow you to use it?”</p><p>Narvin swallowed. He couldn’t let Romana go through this too, and yet…</p><p>“Do not lie to me again, Narvin,” Leela growled, taking a menacing step closer. Her expression was, in a word, <em>murderous. </em>Narvin had the feeling he was being violently interrogated even though Leela was still several paces away.</p><p>“Yes, yes, all right, Romana did sign off on it. But I practically forced her; you know we didn’t get along back then.”</p><p>The muscles in Leela’s jaw tightened. “You were trying to <em>stop </em>these people erasing others from time, and yet that is exactly what you did to them.”</p><p>The accusation was like a stab to his chest; in fact, he probably would have preferred that instead. He hung his head. He couldn’t look in her in the eye anymore. “Yes.”</p><p>“You <em>killed—</em>no, worse than killed, you <em>destroyed—</em>countless innocent men, women, and children for the sake of a few people who <em>might have </em>caused trouble.”</p><p>The shame of it overtook him once again and he clenched his hands into fists at his sides. “Yes.”</p><p>There was a long silence. Leela’s anger and disappointment—no, more like <em>hatred—</em>were almost tangible. Narvin didn’t dare to raise his head.</p><p>“I can believe that the Narvin of the past would do such a thing, as he was a cruel and untrustworthy man, but that does not make it right. I would not believe you to be capable of it now, but I also did not believe you would lie to me when I had put my trust in you.”</p><p>Every word did its work well, digging into his flesh like hooks that were meant to wound. Every new phrase she uttered seemed to add distance between them—a distance that, as it grew ever wider, Narvin wondered if he’d ever be able to cross.</p><p><em>No.</em> He couldn’t lose her.</p><p>He finally looked up and started forward. “Leela, please, I know what you must think of me, but believe me, I would never do that again. I’m sorry I lied, I was just afraid—”</p><p>"You are a coward, Narvin. I have said it before, but it has never been more true than it is now. Do you not see how once again you and Romana whisper behind my back? How can I be sure you would not do such a terrible thing again? All this time I have put my faith in you, and you betrayed me."</p><p>He saw it then. It hit him smack in the face. She hadn’t come here to argue. She had already made up her mind about him, probably Romana too, and her coming here had only been to hear the truth confirmed from his mouth.</p><p>He was fighting a losing battle. She was already lost. Narvin wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or his specific time sensitive abilities, but he could suddenly see thousands of bleak futures that depicted his life without Leela. She’d shown him how to be better, revealed to himself who he truly was; what would he become without her?</p><p>His hearts pounded so hard that his breaths came in short puffs. All of a sudden his legs gave out from underneath him and he fell heavily onto his knees. If begging was what it took to make her stay, he’d beg until his throat was raw. “Please, Leela. I don't know how else to say I'm sorry.”</p><p>She looked down at him and shook her head, her expression so hard and unforgiving that it seemed to be chiselled from stone. "It is too late. You have proved once again that Gallifrey is a place of lies. Even the people I once trusted are the same as all the others." She turned toward the door.</p><p>“Wait, w-where are you going?"</p><p>"To speak to Romana.”</p><p>A jolt of pain shot through him at the thought, giving him the energy for one last plea. He knew, down to his very hearts, that he deserved everything Leela was saying to him. But Romana? He couldn’t be responsible for Romana losing Leela, too.</p><p>"No!" He shot to his feet and grabbed Leela’s arm. She twisted in his grasp and before he could even blink, she had him pinned to the wall, the point of her knife tickling his throat. He didn't dare swallow.</p><p>"Do not touch me," she growled.</p><p>Despite the dangerous position he was in, he knew he had to give it one last try. “Not Romana. It really isn't her fault, it's all mine. You can take it all out on me, just—”</p><p>"I will find out from Romana myself, and then I will leave Gallifrey." She pulled away from him and sheathed her knife. She turned her back on him and walked out the door.</p><p>"Goodbye, Narvin. You will not see me again.”</p><p>In his mind, he was sprinting after her. Begging her. But in reality, he was frozen. Frozen, apart from the trembling that spread over his entire body. He hadn't truly realised until this moment how central Leela was to his life, because now his entire world was crumbling around him.</p><p>He slid to the ground. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He couldn't move.</p><p>He buried his head in his hands and tightly gripped fistfuls of his hair. Then he finally gave himself over to the tears and the sobs, and that was where the CIA agents found him the next morning, fast asleep on his office floor and mumbling about the savage named Leela.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The door to Romana’s office whirred open without warning. Leela stalked in, her eyes as dark as a storm cloud. Romana recognised the look immediately—as well as her rumpled appearance telling that she’d been away from the Capitol—and knew this wasn’t going to be pleasant.</p><p>“Leela,” she said, standing to her feet, “where have you been?”</p><p>“It does not matter where I have been.” Leela marched straight up to her and looked her in the eye. ”Did you do it, Romana? Did you allow Narvin to use this…this device to destroy an entire planet’s past, present, and future?”</p><p>Romana had known it was coming; Narvin must have broken down. She already had her arsenal of arguments ready to go, though she wasn’t sure how much good they would do. "Narvin told you."</p><p>“This is not about Narvin. I am asking you for the truth."</p><p>Romana sighed and met Leela’s gaze. "Yes, Leela. I allowed Narvin to use the Oubliette of Eternity."</p><p>Leela’s lips settled into a hard frown. Her nostrils flared in anger and her voice shook as she spoke. “You say it so calmly, yet you are talking about lives that <em>you </em>took."</p><p>Her words stung, more than Romana wanted to admit. This was where she had to bring up her defences. "Have you thought about how my action saved lives? If they would have been allowed to continue—”</p><p>"The Doctor did not seem to think they were dangerous.”</p><p>Romana scoffed. "The Doctor doesn't see the big picture. He goes in and fixes things for a moment, but inevitably they all start to go wrong again. How many times do you think we've had to quietly go in and make sure the change he's brought about stays that way?"</p><p>“Have you done this to other worlds, then?”</p><p>"Not me, personally, but the time lords? Yes." She sighed. "Leela, you must see that we are in a unique position. The time lords aren't just in charge of Gallifrey, but the whole of time. I couldn't allow behaviour like that to go unchecked."</p><p>Leela’s hands clenched into fists as she raised her voice. "So you sit here like a god that has the right to decide who lives and dies?"</p><p>Romana felt her anger rising to meet Leela’s. "I am the Lord High President of Gallifrey. I must make decisions for the good of the whole universe, not just my conscience. I don't always have the luxury of doing what's right.” She softened, knowing that a shouting match wasn’t going to solve anything. “Your world is small, Leela, and that's what I like about you. You think of individual people, you protect your friends and those you care about. I have to think much, much bigger."</p><p>Leela laughed bitterly. “Of course, as you have said before, Romana, <em>you</em> have no friends”</p><p>“No! That’s not what I’m saying. All I meant is that the good of the entire universe, billions upon billions of lives, <em>must</em> come first. Surely you see that."</p><p>There was a blessed moment of silence. Leela looked down, as if thinking through what Romana had said. ”Was there no other way?"</p><p>Romana flinched. It was the exact thought that had haunted her since that day. "Of course there probably was, but they were all temporary fixes. The Oubliette was the only way to ensure that the problem stayed fixed.”</p><p>“Tell me, Romana, without all of your flowery words.” Leela met her eyes again. “Would you do it again? Would you subject men, women, and children to a fate worse than death?” She shook her head in disbelief. “A fate that you told me you have seen the results of firsthand?”</p><p>A shiver ran through Romana at the thought of the anti-time universe and the never-people, but she pushed the memories aside. If she thought about it too much, she wouldn’t be able to continue.</p><p>Romana knew the answer that Leela wanted to hear. More than anything she wanted to assure her, to tell her that nothing like that would happen again…but there had been too many lies already.</p><p>"If the Web of Time or the fate of the universe was at stake? Yes. I would.”</p><p>Leela nodded slowly as if it was exactly what she had expected. "Then I must ask you to prepare a TARDIS and have someone take me away from here.”</p><p>Romana blinked, stunned for a moment. “Leela, you know me. Would you really expect anything different? This all happened in the past, and it’s highly unlikely I’d ever be forced to use the Oubliette again.”</p><p><em>“Forced?” </em>Leela leaned forward onto her toes. “Do not pretend like it was not a choice you made, Romana. A choice you have just said you would make again. You and Narvin – I thought you were different, but I have been deceived. There is no one I can trust, so I am leaving like I should have done a long time ago.”</p><p>“Leela, you’re overreacting! This is your home. You’re my <em>friend; </em>this doesn’t change that<em>.”</em></p><p>Before Leela even spoke, Romana saw a look in her eyes that said there was no going back anymore. “Once I called you friend, Romana, but no longer.”</p><p>Her hearts seemed to drop down to her very toes. In her perfectly calculated plans, Romana hadn’t expected this. But she should have. This was <em>Leela, </em>and of course she was too stubborn and too upset to see reason.</p><p>Romana realised that it had been many, many years since she’d pictured Gallifrey without Leela. Now, it was nearly impossible to do so. She couldn’t quite comprehend what life would be like without Leela’s blunt honesty, her laughter, her compassion, her loyalty.</p><p>But when Leela was determined, she always got her way.</p><p>“Is there anything I can do to make you stay?”</p><p>Leela shook her head. “No, there is not.” There was no question of whether or not she meant it.</p><p>“Well, then, I'll take you myself."</p><p>"No. I have said all I wish to you. It must be someone I do not know."</p><p>Every word dug the knife in deeper, so Romana avoided thinking of the truth. If she didn’t distance herself from this…if she allowed herself to think of what was happening…</p><p>"Of course, if that's what you want."</p><p>"Thank you.” Leela turned to go.</p><p>Her emotion caught up with her for a single moment. “Leela.”</p><p>She glanced back over her shoulder.</p><p>“I'm sorry.” And she truly meant it, probably more than she’d ever meant it in both her lives.</p><p>Leela paused. "You are not sorry, Romana, and that is why I must leave."</p><p>She walked out the door without another word.</p><p>Romana didn’t move.</p><p>On the one hand, her mind was crowded with fear, loss, regret, and a million different other powerful emotions. The rational part of her brain, however, was stronger. It pushed the feelings down until Romana was able to remind herself to take action. She had to make preparations for Leela.</p><p>She sent instructions for a TARDIS to take Leela to a suitable world, somewhere with an atmosphere fit for humans. Somewhere rural, she told them. Somewhere with lots of wild lands and untamed landscape, but not dangerous.</p><p>After she’d given the order, she reflected for a brief moment on how well she knew the kind of place that Leela belonged. How well she knew <em>Leela. </em>And how well Leela knew…had known…her.</p><p>No. She couldn’t allow for these kinds of emotions to flood through her. She was still the President. She still had to do her duty whether or not Leela was there.</p><p>She turned to face the window that offered the best view of the Capitol in the entire city. The soaring towers were touched by the faintest glow fiery red and orange. Dark purple hues of night painted the sky.</p><p>But she could only view it for a moment before she recalled breaking a window very much like this one with a chair, just so that Leela could have some fresh air. Pain stabbed through her hearts at the memory of how much she’d laughed then. That time, she’d convinced Leela to stay on Gallifrey when she’d been intent on leaving.</p><p>Maybe her departure had been inevitable. Leela was human; when Romana thought about it, she was surprised that she had lasted this long on Gallifrey. Maybe it had only been a matter of time until something had pushed her too far…</p><p>Once again, Romana set the thoughts to the side. She drank in the sight of Gallifrey before her. <em>This</em> was what she served. This was all she had ever wanted: to make Gallifrey a better place. Leela was only a single life, and as she had said, she had billions more to think about. She couldn't allow herself to be dominated by sentiment and emotion.</p><p>And yet, in her semi-transparent reflection, a tear slipped down her cheek.</p><p>She quickly wiped it away and straightened herself up. <em>I am still the High President of Gallifrey, Holder of the Wisdom of Rassilon, Preserver of the Matrix, Guardian of the Legacy of Omega. And that is all I am.</em></p><p>Romana was no more, because she wasn't sure if Romana could exist without Leela. She was the President. And this office, the chance to better Gallifrey and the universe…it was all she ever wanted.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alrighty guys, here’s where we really get into the Prince of Egypt parallels. You can go on and skip this if you’re not interested and I won’t blame you one bit. I was just absolutely amazed at all the parallels I found, so I thought I would share!</p><p>The original idea for the title came because out of nowhere I had this vision in my head of Leela discovering the truth about what Romana and Narvin did, and then subconsciously those notes from the beginning of All I Ever Wanted started up in my head to accompany the scene (ya know, where Moses is running away from the terrible knowledge he’s just discovered? yeah). And I just had that thought of Leela running, of her looking around and seeing Gallifrey for what it truly is (in her mind), a place of lies that she should have left a long time ago. </p><p>Of course, that scene didn’t make it into the fic because showing Leela’s grief and anger from her perspective didn’t make it as powerful—but that’s besides the point. The point is that that scene in my head fueled my ideas of all these parallels between these characters and some parts from PoE. Chiefly, the overall theme between the song and this fic are the same. In the story, all three characters are thinking that they know what they’ve wanted and where they belong. But of course they’re all wrong, because where they truly belong is with each other. </p><p>As I thought about it further, I found a TON of parallels between Leela v. Romana and Moses v. Seti (his father) and Rameses. Like, some scarily accurate parallels. Many ended up in this chapter: </p><p>“Sometimes one must do things<br/>Make a bitter choice that scars your soul<br/>This I never wanted<br/>Pharaohs make decisions<br/>I must keep our kingdoms safe and whole<br/>Not just what I wanted”<br/>—Seti in “All I Ever Wanted” (stage musical version) </p><p>“This is your home, my son<br/>Now you know the truth, love<br/>Now forget and be content”<br/>—Queen Tuya (Moses’ adoptive mother) in “All I Ever Wanted”</p><p>“Once I called you brother<br/>Once I thought the chance to make you laugh<br/>Was all I ever wanted”<br/>—Moses in “The Plagues” </p><p>“I am the Morning and the Evening Star. I am Pharaoh.”<br/>—Rameses</p><p>“Father, tell me you didn’t do this.”<br/>“Moses, sometimes, for the greater good, sacrifices must be made.”<br/>“Sacrifices?”<br/>—Moses and Seti</p><p>“I am still a sovereign Prince of Egypt<br/>A son of the proud of history that’s shown…”<br/>—Moses in “All I Ever Wanted” </p><p>“I can’t stay where I don’t belong.”<br/>—Moses in “Make It Right” </p><p>“You know I can’t live without you<br/>At least, I wouldn’t want to try<br/>So don’t expect I’ll stand here and do nothing as you say goodbye<br/>Now you think you have to leave me<br/>You think your only choice is flight<br/>But as we always have, we’ll think of something<br/>That will make it right”<br/>—Rameses in “Make It Right” </p><p>“No power on Earth<br/>Can change the past<br/>No power on Earth<br/>Can make a lie be true<br/>Though it breaks my heart to leave you<br/>There’s nothing I can do<br/>Maybe the rest of the world can be fooled<br/>But that still leaves us two”<br/>—Moses in “Make It Right”</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the perfect world.</p><p>Leela was grateful to Romana, at the very least, for picking somewhere so beautiful and so suitable for her. There was nothing industrial, only forests, rivers, and grasslands that went on for miles.</p><p>Before she left, the time lord who had brought her carefully informed her that they didn't know how long it would take for her natural ageing processes to catch up; it could be a day or several years. In short: there was no telling how much time she had left.</p><p>So Leela didn’t waste any time.</p><p>As soon as she stepped away from the TARDIS, it dematerialised behind her. Something constricted within her. She would never leave this place. But that was how it was supposed to be, she reminded herself. She had grown accustomed to travelling to different planets and being able to come and go as she pleased. But this was the life she was meant to live: on one planet, for one lifetime.</p><p>There was a village nearby, but the last thing Leela wanted was to meet new people. What were friends, anyway? Even the people she had trusted for so long and with so much had betrayed her in the end.</p><p>But she didn’t think of that. She didn’t think of <em>them, </em>or of Gallifrey. This was her home now.</p><p>She went into the forest. It was thick and green, smelling of dampness and abundant life. Yes, <em>this </em>was where she belonged. So she hunted. She ran. She climbed. She built herself a shelter near a river and the wild beasts who lived there soon learned not to come anywhere near it.</p><p>She didn't mark time, nor did she know how time on the planet equalled that on Gallifrey. But it was many days of little sleep before exhaustion caught up with her. Maybe she was finally starting to age, or maybe her body was just weary after so much exertion. Either way, Leela found herself sitting by the river one morning. A gentle wind stirred the water and bugs chirped gently in the trees, but apart from that, all was still.</p><p>Until there was a rustle in the undergrowth.</p><p>Leela's hand instantly went to her spear (she’d crafted it as soon as she’d arrived, knowing it would be more efficient to hunt with than her knife), but in a moment she saw it was only a tiny creature, a skinny, furry thing that wasn’t worth the trouble to kill and skin. She set her spear down beside her. The creature sniffed the air, its wide eyes glittering, and crept hesitantly toward Leela.</p><p>"You do not need to be afraid, small one. I will not hurt you."</p><p>It started towards her again. Leela sat very still. The creature got close enough to sniff her hand, and then it rubbed its head against her knuckles.</p><p>Leela smiled. That was strange, a smile. The last time she’d smiled had been—</p><p>She cleared the thought away quickly. All of that was far behind her now.</p><p>"Look, creature," she said quietly. She hadn't spoken to another being in a long time. "Glistening in the sunrise, see the river dancing greens and blues." She sat back with a satisfied sigh. "It is all I ever wanted.”</p><p>The animal blinked at her, then snuggled against her leg. It closed its eyes and began to radiate a comfortable warmth that made Leela want to fall asleep right then. She closed her eyes and simply listened to the river burbling. Beyond that, she could hear the birds, the gentle swishing of leaves, maybe even sounds of hammers and chatter from the village far away. It was a song, a song of life…</p><p>And yet, somehow, the sound only brought hurt.</p><p>Because no matter how beautiful this planet was, it wasn’t Gallifrey. And with every day she spent here, it became clearer that maybe what she really wanted couldn’t be found just anywhere.</p><p>For the first time since leaving Gallifrey, Leela thought of Romana and Narvin. A flare of anger rose within her at the thought of their treachery. She didn't belong with them, and she never had. She didn't know why she denied the truth of it for so long. They were twisted, unchanging, cool, cowardly beings, time lords. Narvin and Romana were no different.</p><p>The little creature turned its head sharply to look at her like it had somehow sensed her powerful feelings.</p><p>“I am sorry,” she murmured, stroking a hand down the creature’s back. It settled back down and let out a great sigh. A feeling of peace washed over Leela again and she frowned at her new friend. Was it somehow influencing the way she felt?</p><p>She took her hand away and stared at the water again. She didn’t want to put her faith in anything else. The universe had taught her that the people you loved the most always turned away in the end. But she was finally free of that now, and she wouldn’t let herself be taken in again, not even by this tiny creature.</p><p>"It is just me, now," she said softly. "I will die here, creature. Perhaps you will even pick the flesh from my bones. And that is how it should be." She would pass quietly from the course of history just like those people Romana and Narvin and had erased. At least this death was her own. She had chosen it herself rather than waiting to become another casualty of the time lords’ cruelty.</p><p>Yes, <em>this </em>was her home where she would die, and the circle of life would go on.</p><p>All she ever wanted.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm back with even MORE Prince of Egypt parallels, can you believe? </p><p>The main inspiration for this chapter came from a line in the stage musical version of "All I Ever Wanted:" </p><p>"Glistening in the sunrise<br/>See the river dancing greens and blues<br/>All I ever wanted..." </p><p>That struck me as such a Leela-sounding line, and then because Leela has been the "Moses" figure in this fic anyway, it fit perfectly.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leela’s departure was hardly a blip in the goings-on of Gallifrey.</p><p>Some may have briefly noticed the absence of “the savage," but it didn’t even take up a nanospan of their thoughts before they moved on. Everything carried on the same. Outwardly, nothing was different. But to Narvin, the entire world was changed.</p><p>It had taken him a couple days to return his duties, and only then because Romana had reminded him of the importance of his work. If he didn't know her better, he would have thought that Leela’s departure hadn't moved her at all.</p><p>But it had. Just not in the direction that it would have moved most people.</p><p>Most would have been torn to pieces and forced to tears, just like Narvin had been. But with Romana, it was the opposite. She was harder. Grimmer. She threw herself into her work and Narvin never saw her smile again. They didn't talk about what had happened. They didn't even speak as friends. It didn't take Narvin long to realise that Romana was gone. In her place was the Lady High President of Gallifrey, an office without a soul, carrying out her duties with precision and efficiency. She was in her office so much that Narvin wondered if she ever slept.</p><p>He tried to bring up his concern a couple of times, but he was always cut off and Romana immediately went back to business. Eventually, he gave up trying.</p><p>For his own part, he got to the point where he was numb. He didn't know anything anymore, least of all what he was even living for. In one fell blow, he’d lost everything he’d ever loved, and he wasn’t sure if he could go back to the shell of an existence that he’d had before Romana and Leela. Those thoughts came to him nearly every night and haunted him in his dreams. Not only were Leela and Romana his tormentors, but the people of Bellascon, too. He could hear their screams in his nightmares, like their erasure from time was still happening at that very moment.</p><p>And the dreams wouldn’t stop, because all of this was <em>his </em>fault. If he hadn’t gotten it in his head to use the Oubliette, or if he hadn’t felt the need to confess to Leela, none of this would have ever happened. He was personally responsible for the ruin of his own life and Romana’s.</p><p>Leela, he couldn’t say. As much as it pained him to think it, he knew in the deepest parts of his hearts that she was better off without them.</p><p>And yet, he had never realised how much she had held them together.</p><p>So Narvin lived his empty husk of a life day after day, weary and haggard with little sleep and no motivation. His work lagged. Romana noticed. She called him into her office one morning and he knew what was coming, but he just didn't care. After this…he wasn’t sure what he would do.</p><p>He staggered into the President’s office, trying to collect himself to be dignified one last time. He saw her face and didn't even think “Romana” anymore, only “Madame President.” His friend, his confidant, his ally…she was gone.</p><p>"Coordinator." Her voice was so sharp and businesslike that she could have been an android. There was nothing to suggest she had two hearts beating in her chest.</p><p>"Madame President," he said wearily.</p><p>She stood from behind her desk and walked solemnly towards him, her head held high. “We’ve had numerous talks about the CIA in past months. There have been botched missions, incorrect data files, a lack of accountability, among many other things."</p><p>"I take full responsibility, my lady." There was no need to explain why. She wouldn't care.</p><p>"I appreciate your honesty, Coordinator." She paused. “The High Council have agreed with me that it’s time…”</p><p>Narvin caught the faintest flicker of emotion in her eyes.</p><p>“…it’s time for a new Coordinator to take your place.”</p><p>He’d known it was coming, but it still hurt. The job he’d been so proud of, the one he’d dedicated so much of his life to, gone in a breath, taken by the woman who had once been his greatest friend. He knew deep down that he had been the one to cause all of this, but still, somehow, he felt…<em>angry.</em></p><p>Romana continued on, “You have served your office well for a long time, Narvin—“</p><p>"Oh, you can cut out all of that, I know you don't mean a word of it. You don't mean anything anymore,” he spat. He’d had enough of her, of this façade. And if this was the last he’d ever see of Romana, well—he had to try to get through to her one last time.</p><p>“You will control yourself, Narvin,” she said, bitterness edging into her tone. “You may, of course, remain an agent for a time—”</p><p>"No."</p><p>The word seemed to cut through her apathy for a moment. "No?"</p><p>"I will no longer be working in the CIA or even in the Capitol."</p><p>Just for an instant, was it…<em>concern</em> that flashed across her expression?</p><p>“And why would that be?”</p><p>He huffed a humourless laugh. ”You don't need me. I'm not a cog that will work anymore in your little efficient machine. The best thing you can do for Gallifrey is let me go entirely.”</p><p>She studied him for a moment. “Perhaps you’re right.” Her lips compressed into a thin line and her eyebrows drew together. "Where will you go?”</p><p>"Why do you care?"</p><p>"Why won't you tell me?" she shot back.</p><p>"Because it doesn't matter!" he shouted. All of the frustration and anger, disappointment and regret—it all burst out of him in a moment. "Nothing matters because Leela. Is. Gone." He strode straight up to her until they were nearly nose to nose. "Don't you understand that? Leela is gone, and she took both of us with her. Look at you, Romana. Look at what you've become. You wouldn't care if I disappeared tomorrow and was never seen again. You don't care about anything but your precious position. What does that amount to, hm? When it comes to it, what have you accomplished here? What will you feel when your time is President is over? Nothing, because you've lost yourself completely. And without you, and without Leela…” He choked on the final words. It took him a moment to fight back tears, and when he continued he lowered his voice. “Without you, what exactly is the point? I'm just the Narvin who was an emotionless, soulless time lord, just like you are now. And I will not become him again.”</p><p>Romana’s eyes widened. Her lips parted in shock. Narvin tried to recover his breath, having worked himself up during his tirade. For a moment, he wondered if his raw honesty had finally broken through Romana’s shell.</p><p>But then her expression hardened. She drew herself up and pronounced the sentence like a judge condemning him to execution. “You are relieved of duty, Coordinator, effective immediately. You have until the end of the day to collect your things and leave the Capitol.”</p><p>Narvin stared at her. Part of him wanted to protest, to push harder…but all the fight was drained out of him now.</p><p>“So Romana really is gone.”</p><p>“You are <em>dismissed, </em>Coordinator.”</p><p>He swallowed hard. This was it. This was saying goodbye to everything he’d ever known. “Very well, Madame President.” He turned to leave, but paused. “You won’t see me again, Romana. I…” How could he sum up all she’d meant to him? “Thank you. I know you probably don’t understand why, but thank you for who you were before.”</p><p>Just before he walked out the door, her voice called after him.</p><p>“Narvin?”</p><p>He froze, not daring to look at her. Tears already pricked his eyes.</p><p>“Please,” she said softly, “promise me you’ll keep yourself safe.”</p><p>“To keep your conscious intact, or whatever’s left of it?” He gave a small nod. “Of course.”</p><p>And with that, he left.</p><p>He didn’t bother going to the CIA Tower; Romana would take care of the chain of command there. Instead, he went to his quarters. His hearts sank to the floor as he walked in. He didn’t own all that much, but this place had been his home for so many years. To leave it now was nearly incomprehensible.</p><p>He began the arduous task of packing the things he needed. Everything brought back memories, old memories of how things had been only a year ago. He tried not to get caught up in it all; besides, he still had to figure out where he would go from here. He’d head somewhere far away, maybe somewhere rural.</p><p>He chuckled. He was starting to sound like Leela.</p><p>Later in the day, a blip sounded from his communicator. He’d forgotten that he still had it; it wasn’t as if he really needed it anymore. Had Romana not gotten around to informing everyone of his removal yet? That would be unlike her.</p><p>He answered the call out of curiosity.</p><p>“Coordinator Narvin,” a man said, sounding out of breath. “It’s the President.”</p><p>Narvin shot to his feet. His hearts stopped beating.</p><p>“Sorry,” the man continued, “this is Lev—I’m one of the medics—they’ve brought her back from a field mission and she’s…well, they say she got caught up in some kind of skirmish. She’s very badly wounded.”</p><p>Narvin started moving without even a thought, heading directly for the medical ward in the Capitol. “A field mission? Where in Rassilon’s name was she?”</p><p>“I don’t know. It all happened so quickly; they just brought her in and told me to contact you.”</p><p>Lev had called him “Coordinator…” Maybe Romana really hadn’t made it public yet. Had she been having second thoughts?</p><p>Narvin licked his lips, jogging as best he could in his robes and ignoring all the strange looks he got. “Tell me she’s going to be all right.”</p><p>There was a long pause. “To be completely honest, sir…I’ve seen less severe injuries trigger regeneration.”</p><p>“But it hasn’t started yet?”</p><p>“No, not yet.”</p><p>Narvin grit his teeth and ran faster. His vision blurred. He couldn’t lose her like this. Maybe she’d become more herself again when she regenerated into Trey, or maybe not.</p><p>Maybe she wouldn’t even choose to regenerate. Maybe this hadn’t been an accident on her part. Maybe…</p><p>He didn’t let his thoughts go any further. A shiver ran down his spine.</p><p>He arrived at the medical ward in a sort of daze, hardly aware of who he was pushing past. All he knew was he had to see her. He had to know she was going to survive this.</p><p>She was surrounded by medics who were in the process of hooking her up to monitors. She was bloodied. Battered. Bruised. He was only vaguely aware of medics urging him to leave. He had to talk to her, though her face was lifeless. </p><p>“Romana,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “Romana, I’m sorry. I didn’t try hard enough, I— I won’t leave, I’ll stay. We can do this together, just please, <em>please</em>…stay with me, Romana.”</p><p>Before he could say anything else, he was dragged away and Romana’s form was blocked by the medics. </p><p>Outside the ward, Narvin simply stood. He wanted to break down. Everything within him just wanted to fall apart and give up entirely.</p><p>But that was what had made him lose Romana in the first place.</p><p>Narvin clenched his fists at his sides. No. This time, he was going to take action, and he didn’t care how many rules he broke.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Leela!”</em>
</p><p>The moment she heard her name, she became as still as the tree beside her.</p><p>No one on this planet knew her name. No one on this planet knew her at all. A ghost, perhaps?</p><p>
  <em>“Leela!”</em>
</p><p>No. The voice wasn’t ethereal, simply far off. Her heart beat a little faster. It could only mean…</p><p>She wanted to be angry. She wanted to feel like she had to run away from the voice. But every trial she’d faced, every touch she’d shared, every word she’d ever spoken with Narvin and Romana came flooding back to her. And they didn’t fill her with rage, they filled her with pain and longing. It had been so long since she’d even come in contact with another person; long enough that she’d considered going into the village just to hear someone’s voice. And now…</p><p>
  <em>“Leela!”</em>
</p><p>The voice was getting closer, little by little. She still couldn’t tell who it was, but it struck her in an instant that they were in danger. That was the deciding factor. She ran with practised ease through the trees, tightening her grip on her spear.</p><p>
  <em>“Leela!”</em>
</p><p>Narvin. It had to be Narvin. Only he would be idiotic enough to loudly blunder through the forest in such a way. The thought of seeing him again brought tears to her eyes and made her laugh at the same time, but she composed herself quickly. She still didn’t regret her choice to come here, and she would show Narvin that. She would show him that he wasn’t welcome here, whatever his errand was.</p><p>
  <em>“Lee—”</em>
</p><p>The rest of his call was choked off. Leela could have sworn her heart stopped beating. But his voice had been close this time, very close. She frantically pushed through the vines and leaves. She couldn’t be too late, she couldn’t…</p><p>As the trees thinned, the scene in front of the riverbank became clear before her. Just as she had feared, one of the deadly giant snakes had found him—and yes, it was Narvin, dressed in his CIA robes. He was staring at the snake as if frozen solid.</p><p>Leela didn’t waste a second.</p><p>She tore out of the trees screaming at the top of her lungs. The snakes were attracted to sound, and her distraction worked. The creature’s slitted eyes quickly focused on her, forgetting Narvin entirely. She leapt straight onto the snake, wrapping her legs around its body and forcing its head down with the shaft of her spear. It spat and hissed at her, but Leela hissed right back and used every bit of strength she had to pin its head to the ground.</p><p>A shadow came over her. She pictured the deadly point on the end of the snake’s tail but knew that if she turned, the snake would strike at her with its fangs.</p><p>"Narvin!" she called. "The tail!”</p><p>He moved instantly and Leela turned her attention back to the thrashing head. Somewhere in the back of her mind it occurred to her that she still trusted Narvin implicitly; trusted him with her life, even. But she couldn’t focus on the implications of what that meant as her arms grew tired and the creature gained ground, bringing its head back up. Leela tried to push back, but suddenly the spear snapped from the force of the snake’s strength. The snake instantly reared up, forcing Leela to fall flat on her back. The snake immediately took advantage of her prone position and struck, its mouth wide open and ready to consume her whole.</p><p>With a yell, Leela took the point of her spear, still fully intact, and thrust it upward between the snake’s fangs and into the roof of its mouth just as its jaws fully opened over her. It froze instantly. Leela rolled out of the way as it fell. She heard a loud thump behind her and spun to see the tail fall right on top of Narvin. She leaped over the snake’s limp body and grabbed Narvin’s legs, pulling with every ounce of strength left within her. After a moment he was free, choking as he gasped in air. His forehead was covered in a sheen of sickly sweat, and she noticed dark circles under his eyes.</p><p>The poison. She hadn’t told him about the deadly poison from the stinger.</p><p>“Were you stung?”</p><p>Narvin was still wheezing in air. She couldn’t tell if he was dying or simply catching his breath. She dragged him to the nearest tree trunk and sat him upright, gripping his collar and bringing her face inches from his as she repeated:</p><p>
  <em>“Were you stung?”</em>
</p><p>"No," he breathed, "but it did manage to knock me around.”</p><p>Leela sat back with a grateful sigh. She let go of him, pushing her hair out of her face as sweat dripped down her forehead. "That is good. One sting would have meant death.”</p><p>Narvin’s breaths were laboured as he stared off into the distance. He suddenly let out a painful groan and slumped back against the tree trunk. Leela was on her toes once more. Had he lied to her?</p><p>“Narvin?”</p><p>“It’s been a long day,” he wheezed, his eyes squeezed shut. He coughed, rubbing a hand along his throat. His cheeks and neck were red; Leela realised he was probably overheated if he’d been out here in those robes for a long time.</p><p>"You do not look well." She started to get up, but Narvin’s eyes suddenly shot open and he took hold of her arm. His eyes locked onto hers as if horrified by what he’d just done.</p><p>She knew this moment. She had lived it before.</p><p>Last time, she had threatened him and then left him alone. But this time there was a different look in Narvin’s eyes. He always had so many walls up to guard himself, never letting anyone get close enough to see his true feelings. When she had left, she had watched those walls start to crumble as he’d begged her to stay.</p><p>Now, they were all gone. It was the look of a broken man.</p><p>Leela gently removed his hand. “I would not leave you here like this, Narvin.” She stood and crossed over to the river, dipping her hands into the freezing water. As she walked back, she noted that Narvin’s eyes followed her every move like he physically couldn’t look away from her. She tried not to meet his gaze, because she only felt pity. Pity and friendship and longing and…and maybe something else she couldn’t quite explain.</p><p>She knelt in front of him and placed her hands on his neck in an attempt to cool him down. He shivered and blinked rapidly, inhaling a sharp breath.</p><p>She chanced a look into his eyes and found, of course, that he was still watching her with something like wonder. She fought a smile. Here she was, taking care of him like she always had before. The truth was that…she wasn’t sure if she was angry anymore. She reminded herself that Narvin had murdered billions, but she also remembered the weight of the guilt in his voice as he’d poured out his confession to her that day so long ago in the wine cellar. When she looked at him now, she knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that he wouldn’t make that choice again. The man she’d left behind on Gallifrey had been cowardly and blubbering; the man in front of her was still weak, yes, but determined.</p><p>Knowing that he’d need something to drink, she got to her feet and retrieved a large leaf from the ground. She crossed to the river again and dipped the leaf into the water, bending it to hold in the liquid. Once it was full she brought it back to Narvin, who took the leaf from her hands and downed the water quickly. Leela was relieved to see that he seemed to recover his senses, his gaze finally wandering from her to take in his surroundings. Eventually he looked at her again, a clear question in his eyes.</p><p>“Why did you save me?”</p><p>Did he really need to ask? She wouldn’t have even left an enemy to be eaten by the snake. ”I am not heartless, Narvin."</p><p>"Regardless, thank you for saving my life. Twice, within a matter of microspans.”</p><p>Leela couldn’t help but smile this time. Only he could manage to get himself into so much trouble. "You are still an imbecile, Narvin. Those creatures are attracted to sound. If I would have left you any longer, every snake in the forest would have been upon you.”</p><p>He smiled back at her, but in a moment his expression changed abruptly. He looked almost panicked. Leela quickly glanced over him, but couldn’t see anything amiss. “Narvin? What is wrong?”</p><p>"It's Romana,” he said, the words bursting out of him “She’s—She's hurt, badly. She…might not make it."</p><p>The words hit Leela like a wave. She fell back hard onto her heels as the information processed. <em>Romana. </em>Unlike Narvin, she hadn’t even seemed to regret what she’d done with the Oubliette of Eternity. And yet, Narvin’s nearly tangible concern absorbed into Leela’s mind. Even though she had planned to never see Romana again, the thought of her dying…</p><p>She shook her head. “Then she will become Lady Trey…”</p><p>"I don't know."</p><p>Leela looked sharply up at him. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Narvin avoided her gaze, looking down and speaking hesitantly. “As you know, we time lords are somewhat in control of our regenerations. We can choose to regenerate after we stub our toe if we want to—though of course it wouldn’t be very wise—but we can also choose…not to regenerate.”</p><p><em>Choose not to regenerate. </em>“You think Romana would…” She couldn’t quite finish her sentence. How low would Romana have to sink to not even cherish life itself anymore?</p><p>The thought tugged at a wound, a memory deep, deep down. Hadn’t there been a time when she herself hadn’t cared for life anymore?</p><p>“Why?” Leela asked.</p><p>“She hasn’t been the same since you left. She blamed herself.”</p><p>Ah, now he came to it. The anger she’d been searching for surged back, seeping into her tone as she said, “So you have come to tell me it is my fault?”</p><p>“No! It was me, Leela. All of this, <em>everything, </em>it’s…all my fault.”</p><p>And there was no doubting he believed it. The Narvin who had once fought any implications that he felt anything at all was now laying his shame at her feet. Perhaps he hadn’t come to accuse, but simply to bare his soul to her.</p><p>“Narvin,” she pressed gently, “why have you come?”</p><p>His eyes were glassy as he met her gaze. His voice trembled. “I’m here to ask—<em>beg </em>you to come back to Gallifrey, just for a few minutes. Let Romana know you’re there.”</p><p>“Why do you think it would help?"</p><p>He huffed a brief laugh. “You never realised, did you? You make us stronger, Leela. You always have.”</p><p>His words weren’t flattery. He believed them to be true.</p><p>She looked away, considering his request. She couldn’t help but think that when she had felt that life was no longer worth living, Romana had shown her that there were still things to fight for. Maybe now it was her turn to return the favour.</p><p>“I will go with you, but only if you can put me back here.”</p><p>“Of course.” He took her hand and squeezed it gently. “Thank you.”</p><p>He looked and sounded so sincere that Leela couldn’t meet his eyes any longer without fear of breaking down. She’d missed him. She’d missed him so much.</p><p>She jumped to her feet and turned away from him. "The wolves will eat well tonight,” she remarked, saying the first thing that came into her head at the sight of the dead snake.</p><p>"Do you fight these things on a regular basis?" Narvin asked.</p><p>She glanced at him over her shoulder. "Only when I need to rescue slow time lords.”</p><p>He broke out into a smile and laughed.</p><p>Narvin told Leela he’d landed his TARDIS in the same exact spot as the TARDIS that had brought her here. Though she’d never really admitted it to herself, she still remembered where it was. On the rare occasions she’d left the forest, she’d even looked out and pretended she didn’t hope that were was a TARDIS waiting there again.</p><p>So she led the way back, wary of more snakes as Narvin stumbled through the forest behind her. They made it back safely, however, and Narvin seemed to completely change gear from lethargic to hurried as his hands worked the controls. They arrived back on Gallifrey within a matter of seconds. Leela stepped out the doors and shivered; she’d forgotten how cold it was here. And that smell…it was unlike the scent of anywhere else.</p><p>"I almost forgot what Gallifrey felt like.” And in a way…she’d missed it.</p><p>Narvin took the lead as they walked to the medical ward. Now that Leela was back, it was like she had never left. She knew these corridors as well as any Gallifreyan. And she especially knew when they neared the medical ward because she remembered realising Narvin’s lie to her all that time ago.</p><p>There wasn’t time to dwell on the past as they reached the ward and, to Leela’s surprise, Narvin spoke with unquestionable authority as he demanded that they be let in. Once they were in Romana’s room, the rest of the world was blotted out.</p><p>There was Romana, once her best friend, lying motionless on a bed with blood caked in her hair. Leela wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but she hadn’t been prepared for this. It was like the air was completely knocked out of her. <em>Not Romana.</em></p><p>She was vaguely aware of Narvin raising his voice as he spoke to the medics, but for a moment, nothing else existed.</p><p>"Oh, Romana.” She walked up to the bed and touched Romana’s hand. It was too cold, even for a time lord.</p><p>The room was suddenly quieter. Leela realised the medics had left, and Narvin was walking towards the door.</p><p>“I’ll leave you for a moment,” he said.</p><p>And then they were alone. Leela turned to Romana, trying to find the right words to say.</p><p>“Romana, I do not know if you can hear me.”</p><p>Leela gripped Romana’s hand tighter, trying to bring warmth back into her friend’s fingers. Every thought of anger, every hint of indignation was gone. How could she feel anything but sorrow and pity when Romana was reduced to this?</p><p>“I still cannot forgive you for what you did.” She paused, putting her thoughts in order. “But all that time ago when we were on Davidia and we shared that strange dream, I said that I would not forget what it was like seeing through your eyes. Yet the truth, Romana, is that I have forgotten. We are different people, and we see life differently. You said before that I think of individual lives while you think of the entire universe. You were right. You may think that the universe is better without you in it, but I do not care about the universe. I care about you.”</p><p>Romana was too still. A lump formed in Leela’s throat and she fought for control as her emotions threatened to overwhelm her. “There is much good inside of you, Romana; you simply forget sometimes, surrounded by all of these selfish old time lords. But you made Gallifrey a place that even I could call home. And when Andred was gone and I no longer knew what my purpose was…I had you. You were my friend. You…<em>are </em>my friend.”</p><p>She gave her hand one last squeeze. “Please get well, Romana. I do not want to think of a Gallifrey without you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 6: Alternate POV</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was the original Chapter 6, but I realised that getting Leela's POV here was key because we haven't seen her in a year and have no idea what her feelings are like. Therefore, I rewrote it, but as I spent so much time on this one and it still works, I decided to include it as well. </p><p>If you only read one Chapter 6 then read the other one, as it does make a bit more sense, but both chapters add something unique to the story so you can definitely read them both! The dialogue is exactly the same, just from a different point of view. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a good thing Romana had already sacked Narvin because he knew he’d be sacked anyway for what he was about to do.</p><p>He went straight to the TARDIS Bay and accessed the records there. He searched the day that Leela had left, just a little over a year ago, and found the coordinates from a TARDIS that had carried a human passenger. That was it.</p><p>He sent the data to the nearest TARDIS. As he strode inside the time and space machine, hope swelled within him, bunching in his chest until he felt like he could hardly breathe. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about what he was doing for this very reason, but the longing within him broke free anyway.</p><p>He was going to find Leela.</p><p>Just the thought of seeing her again was so overwhelming that he found himself leaning against the console for support. He shook his head. He didn’t have time for this. Yes, he was in a time machine, but with Romana in such a state, he felt like he had no time to waste.</p><p>
  <em>Time.</em>
</p><p>He froze over the controls. At what point in time should he arrive after Leela had been left on her own?</p><p>He took a moment to think about his options until deciding that he’d travel only in space and not time. Not only did he want to respect the choice Leela had made, but somewhere in the back of his mind, Narvin hoped that maybe she wasn’t quite as angry as she had been after a year to think about things.</p><p>But he couldn’t hope. He <em>couldn’t. </em>He was going to speak with Leela for one reason only: Romana. If he somehow got her to agree to come back to Gallifrey, she wouldn’t stay. He’d take her right back to her little planet and they’d probably never see each other again.</p><p>He was already dreading how much a second goodbye would hurt.</p><p>Finally, he got moving and set the TARDIS in motion to arrive at the preprogrammed coordinates. Narvin emerged into a rustic setting and began to panic almost instantly. It had been a year since she’d been left here; who was to say she hadn't wandered far from this area?</p><p>He nearly went right back in the TARDIS and time travelled to her first day on this planet, but once again he reasoned that if he had any chance of getting her to come back, it wasn’t going to be right after she’d left.</p><p>So he’d have to search.</p><p>He went into the closest village and gave descriptions of Leela. No one like that lived there, they said. But one man had come across a woman out in the woods – he thought she'd been a ghost, as she’d disappeared in the blink of an eye. A hunter Narvin spoke with said something similar. So Narvin’s search took him to the nearby woods, and by then he was already hot and tired. He stumbled between the trees and called out Leela’s name with all the strength he had left.</p><p>Suddenly, as he broke out of the trees and onto a riverbank, he came face-to-face with the biggest snake he'd ever seen.</p><p>He had no idea where it had come from, but Narvin quickly found that that was the least of his worries. The snake was at least as thick as his own body, and its triangular head was massive. Narvin didn't dare see how long it was because he couldn't tear his gaze away from the snake’s slitted pupils. He stopped breathing.</p><p>He hadn’t even thought to bring a staser. <em>Stupid.</em></p><p>This was it. No regenerations. No hope.</p><p>
  <em>I hope it won't hurt too much.</em>
</p><p>And then a miracle happened.</p><p>Something burst from the trees with a war cry, bellowing so loudly that the snake’s attention was diverted from Narvin. It tackled the snake with no hesitation, wrestling with the huge creature.</p><p>The miracle, of course, was Leela.</p><p>Narvin couldn't do anything but stare for a moment. He hadn't seen her in so long—he’d even wondered if she’d already died, killed by rapid ageing away from Gallifrey—but she seemed as strong as ever as she pinned down the snake’s head with the shaft of a spear, staying clear of its huge fangs and forked tongue. Her face was set in sheer determination and she sneered as she exerted her strength to push the snake’s head closer to the ground.</p><p>"Narvin!" she yelled, her eyes still on her prey. "The tail!”</p><p>She hadn’t even spared him a glance, and yet hearing her voice… It was all he could do to focus, knowing danger was still at hand. The snake’s tail lifted behind Leela, bearing a deadly pointed stinger. Without a second thought Narvin lunged at it, pushing it to the ground with the sheer force of his body. However, it didn't stay down for long. Narvin hugged the tail as it lifted again and then slammed hard against the ground, knocking the breath from Narvin’s lungs. He didn't know what else he could do, but at least it wasn't trying to sting Leela.</p><p>The tail raised up in the air once more and Narvin braced himself for another beating – but then the tail froze…</p><p> </p><p>…and fell straight on top of him, battering him against the ground and trapping him there. How was it so heavy? He couldn't breathe. He thrashed, trying to push it off to get loose, but the weight was just too great. Had he seriously survived this mammoth snake attack only to be suffocated by its tail?</p><p>Something grabbed his legs and pulled. He found purchase on the ground and pushed, trying to help, and finally, mercifully, he was free.</p><p>He gasped in precious lungfuls of air. Every single inch of his body hurt.</p><p>"Were you stung?"</p><p>Narvin was too busy getting air to reply. Leela grabbed him and sat him up against a tree, fisting his collar as she penetrated his personal space to repeat:</p><p>
  <em>"Were you stung?"</em>
</p><p>"No," he breathed, "but it did manage to knock me around."</p><p>Leela sighed with relief. "That is good. One sting would have meant death."</p><p>He looked over her shoulder and saw the thing lying completely limp on the ground. Leela must have killed it. Before he could figure out how she’d done it, the world swam before him. He groaned and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the tree trunk.</p><p>“Narvin?"</p><p>A small part of him rejoiced at the sound of concern in her voice. “It’s been a long day.” Not only was he emotionally unstable, but his robes trapped in the humid heat of the planet and his stomach was still roiling from being flung around in the air.</p><p>"You do not look well."</p><p>He kept his eyes closed, but as he heard Leela shift, his panic at the thought of her leaving overrode his feelings of sickness. Hardly even knowing what he was doing, he opened his eyes and reached out, grabbing her arm.</p><p>They both froze. Their eyes met.</p><p>He remembered this. Next, she’d pin him against the tree and hold her knife to his throat. She’d walk away. <em>Again.</em></p><p>He’d already failed.</p><p>But Leela simply detached herself from him and stood. “I would not leave you here like this, Narvin.” She walked to the river, stepping over the humongous body of the snake like it was a minor inconvenience, and dipped her hands into the water. She came back shaking out her fingers and knelt in front of him, gently placing her hands on his neck. Her skin was ice cold from the water and Narvin shivered, becoming more alert. He noted the clear look of care and concern in Leela’s eyes. He was still trying to convince himself that this wasn’t a dream. Leela was in front of him, touching him, helping him. She wasn’t yelling at him, she wasn’t forcing him to leave. She didn’t even seem angry.</p><p>She glanced up at him. A smile twitched at her lips.</p><p>Narvin could have died happy right then. Had she…missed him?</p><p>She quickly looked away and got up again, this time plucking a large leaf from the ground before she went back to the river. She returned with the leaf full of water. Her cool touch on his neck had already revived him considerably, so he was able to take the leaf from her hands and bring it to his lips. He briefly considered the ridiculous amount of bacteria he was about to consume, but now wasn’t the time or place for that. He’d do just about anything at this point if Leela told him to. So he drank, gulping down the water and realising just how thirsty he was. When he was finished, he let out a long sigh.</p><p>He could hardly look anywhere else but her eyes, those eyes he’d missed so much. He managed to let out a brief laugh. He was probably a little delirious, considering everything he’d been through in a single day, but he didn't care.</p><p>“Why did you save me?” he asked.</p><p>Leela would hardly meet his eyes. ”I am not heartless, Narvin." Her look finished her sentence: <em>“…not like you."</em></p><p>"Regardless, thank you for saving my life. Twice, within a matter of microspans.”</p><p>This time, her smile broke free. Narvin’s hearts stopped. <em>That devastating smile.</em></p><p>"You are still an imbecile, Narvin. Those creatures are attracted to sound. If I would have left you any longer, every snake in the forest would have been upon you.”</p><p>She was laughing at his stupidity – that was good and normal. Going much better than he had imagined, actually. If Romana were here—</p><p>
  <em>Romana.</em>
</p><p>He really <em>was </em>an imbecile. He’d been so caught up in seeing Leela again that he’d entirely forgotten the reason why he’d come. Leela must have seen the change in his expression because she frowned.</p><p>“Narvin? What is wrong?”</p><p>"It's Romana. She’s—” He swallowed, realising his mouth had suddenly gone dry. “She's hurt, badly. She…might not make it."</p><p>Leela blinked. Clearly, she hadn't been expecting that. She sat back on her heels, her eyebrows knitting together. “Then she will become Lady Trey…”</p><p>"I don't know."</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Narvin sighed through his nose. He finally looked away from Leela to stare at the sandy bank. “As you know, we time lords are somewhat in control of our regenerations. We can choose to regenerate after we stub our toe if we want to—though of course it wouldn’t be very wise—but we can also choose…not to regenerate.” He pressed his lips together, waiting for Leela to think through his words.</p><p>Leela’s eyes widened. “You think Romana would…”</p><p>There was a long silence, filled only by the sound of the river trickling by.</p><p>“Why?” Leela asked, her voice barely audible.</p><p>Narvin swallowed. “She hasn’t been the same since you left. She blamed herself.”</p><p>Anger crept into Leela’s tone. “So you have come to tell me it is my fault?”</p><p>“No!” Narvin shook his head. “It was me, Leela. All of this, <em>everything, </em>it’s…all my fault.” The confession nearly smothered him. He’d been thinking it daily, but it was the first time he’d truly admitted it to anyone. Tears threatened to overwhelm him for the third time that day. He hung his head, ashamed of who he was.</p><p>“Narvin,” Leela said softly as she sat in front of him. “Why have you come?”</p><p>Recovering himself, he looked into her eyes again. “I’m here to ask—<em>beg </em>you to come back to Gallifrey, just for a few minutes. Let Romana know you’re there.”</p><p>Her expression didn’t change. “Why do you think it would help?"</p><p>He scoffed, thinking of the sorry state both he and Romana had sunk to after she’d left. “You never realised, did you? You make us stronger, Leela. You always have.”</p><p>Her eyes softened, her gaze wandering upward to the treetops. Eventually, she nodded slowly. “I will go with you, but only if you can put me back here.”</p><p>He could hardly believe it. There had been no shouting, no threats. “Of course.” On an impulse, he covered Leela’s hand with his own as he said, from the depths of his hearts, “Thank you.”</p><p>She stood abruptly and turned; Narvin wondered if she was feeling more than she wanted him to know. Eyeing the snake, she stated: "The wolves will eat well tonight."</p><p>"Do you fight these things on a regular basis?" Narvin asked, grunting as he stood to his feet.</p><p>She cast him a smirk over her shoulder. ”Only when I need to rescue slow time lords.”</p><p>And somehow, in the midst of everything that was happening, he was able to laugh.</p><p>They started back towards the TARDIS and Narvin gratefully allowed Leela to lead the way. He noted the way she moved seamlessly through the trees like she was a part of nature rather than just in it.</p><p>He’d missed her so much.</p><p>As soon as they reached the TARDIS, Narvin immediately went to the controls and set them in motion. Reality started to settle in again as he remembered seeing Romana’s limp and lifeless form. Luckily they arrived on Gallifrey only moments later and Leela stepped outside slowly as if testing the waters.</p><p>She sniffed the air, wiggled her toes against the floor. "I almost forgot what Gallifrey felt like."</p><p>Narvin thought he heard a note of longing in her voice, but maybe that was just wishful thinking.</p><p>He led her to the medical ward, remembering how they had walked this path so long ago and he had told her the lie that had started it all. Leela’s gaze was far off like she was remembering the same thing.</p><p>When they arrived, Narvin pulled rank (the rank he didn’t really have anymore) to get back inside to see Romana. The medics tried to get him to leave, but he stood his ground and argued.</p><p>“I just need one moment. It <em>will </em>help her; we know her better than anyone.”</p><p>With a sense of “on your head be it,” the medics filed out and gave him exactly three microspans. Narvin turned to Leela, but her gaze was on Romana, her mouth open in shock and her eyes filled with pity.</p><p>"Oh, Romana," Leela said sadly, taking Romana’s hand in hers.</p><p>Something about the sight was so touching that Narvin felt he had to look away. Despite his own friendship with Romana, he didn’t think he would ever fully understand the deep connection between her and Leela.</p><p>“I’ll leave you for a moment,” he said, following the path the medics had taken. He’d already said his piece to Romana. Now it was Leela’s turn, and he prayed to whatever gods there were that it would be enough to save her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leela walked out of the medical ward after a few microspans. Her expression was grave, her gaze downcast. She didn’t even seem to notice the medics brushing right past her as they went back in to tend to Romana.</p><p>It took a lot to rattle Leela, but Narvin could tell that Romana’s condition had shaken her deeply.</p><p>"Thank you for bringing me, Narvin,” she said quietly.</p><p>He nodded. “Of course.” He watched her and pressed his lips together. What happened now? He’d take her back to her little planet and that would be it?</p><p>Finally, Leela lifted her head and met his gaze. “I will stay until Romana is well again.”</p><p>He hadn’t even dared to hope. His breath caught and all he could do was stare at her. There was no questioning that she was completely serious.</p><p>Leela shook her head. “I told you, Narvin. I am not heartless.”</p><p>"Of–of course not." He only just recovered himself enough to make some kind of reply. His hearts stuttered in his chest. Leela would be here with him again—but he couldn’t expect too much. "I can take you to your quarters if you'd like.”</p><p>"I remember the way." She frowned. "My rooms are still here?”</p><p>"Romana wouldn't let them be repurposed. I think there was always a small part of her that hoped…" He stopped, not wanting to push too far. "I should let you go.”</p><p>“I will see you soon, Narvin.” And with that, she walked away.</p><p>Narvin was left staring after her, hardly believing that she was on Gallifrey to stay, at least for now. After that…well, he couldn’t think that far ahead yet.</p><p>He hadn’t been sure what to expect from Leela, but it certainly wasn’t the companionship that passed over the next couple of days. They stayed away from the topic that had begun Leela’s self-imposed exile so long ago and instead remained silent or occasionally talked about old times as they checked on Romana and ate meals together. Leela didn’t seem angry. She was quiet, more restrained, but didn’t give him the verbal (or physical) beating he’d expected. He was too worried about breaking whatever delicate balance this was to ask about it or to apologise again. Maybe, before she left for good, he’d bring it up one last time, tell her again how sorry he was…</p><p>For all the good it would do. That look Leela had given him before she’d left was burned into his memory forever. She would never forgive him.</p><p>The CIA still needed running, since apparently Romana hadn’t placed anyone else in charge. Narvin found himself still working, though he wondered how long this state of grace would last. Would Romana depose him again as soon as she awoke?</p><p>On Leela’s third day back on Gallifrey, she was with him in the CIA Tower as he finished up in his office for the day. They were going to go visit Romana again, encouraged by a message from the medics that she would be conscious soon. With Leela here and Romana out of danger, Narvin felt like he could be at peace for the first time in ages. A tiny corner in the back of his mind nagged at him, reminding him that Leela wasn’t going to stay, but he ignored it and let himself enjoy the moment.</p><p>Leela was leaning against the wall, animatedly finishing a story about something she’d encountered on the planet she’d lived on. “…and then the wolves attacked the bear creature, leaving nothing but bone behind.”</p><p>Narvin shuddered. “Bears, wolves, giant snakes—what sort of planet was that, anyway? What was Romana thinking?"</p><p>"Please, Narvin, do go on.”</p><p>He spun around so fast he nearly made himself dizzy. There, framed in the doorway, with her hands folded at her waist, was Romana.</p><p>“Romana!" He stumbled forward, but then stopped. He wasn’t sure what he’d planned on doing when he got to her, but an embrace was absolutely out of the question. So he simply stood there and gawked at her silently, which seemed like it was becoming a habit over the past few days. And what he saw wasn’t the cold, soulless being he’d come to know over the past year. The facade she’d built up as Madame President alone had fallen away, leaving a Romana that somehow looked smaller than she had before, but still carried herself with dignity. Emotion flickered visibly in her eyes, vacillating so quickly that Narvin couldn’t tell what she was thinking.</p><p>A small smile lit up her expression as she watched him with amusement, but then her eyes strayed from his. Every trace of humour was wiped from her face.</p><p>“Leela?" Her voice trembled as she spoke.</p><p>For once, Leela seemed nearly as dumbfounded as Narvin. There was a pause before she spoke softly, “I am glad you are well, Romana.”</p><p>Now, it was Romana’s turn to be surprised. Narvin had hardly ever known her to be at a loss for words, but her mouth opened and closed like she couldn’t quite find the right thing to say. “Leela, I…I don’t…”</p><p>"Not now.” Leela walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “You are still weak.”</p><p>Narvin wasn’t sure which one of them moved first, but in the next moment they were hugging each other tightly. He could see Romana’s face over Leela’s shoulder, her eyes squeezed shut and her lips trembling.</p><p>Narvin swallowed hard. Suddenly, there was a lump in his throat.</p><p>When they separated, Romana then turned to Narvin. He could read the pain in her eyes, the regret. “Narvin…”</p><p>“There will be plenty of time for that, my lady,” he said gently. “As Leela said, you’re still recovering.” He frowned and crossed his arms. “Which brings me to ask why I wasn’t informed when you regained consciousness? <em>And </em>why you came up here all by yourself? You could have fallen and injured yourself further.”</p><p>"I made it, didn't I?” She raised an eyebrow at him and copied his pose, a clear challenge. “All I need is a little more rest and I'll be good as new.”</p><p>Narvin couldn’t help but smile. Arguing with Romana like this was familiar, it was normal, it was…it was something like home.</p><p>"Then please, at least let me walk you to your quarters." He offered her his arm and Romana took it, leaning some of her weight onto him; she was weaker than she was letting on.</p><p>“I will come too,” Leela said, “if you will allow it."</p><p>"Of course," Romana replied. “I think I still have some tea stashed away somewhere, and if there was ever a good time to use it, it’s now.”</p><p>So they walked through the corridors silently. The problem, Narvin thought, was that they simply had too many things to talk about. No doubt Romana was wondering how Leela had gotten here. Narvin wanted to know what exactly had happened to Romana. And he was sure that both of them were eager to decipher what Leela was feeling.</p><p>The thought that she would leave soon nearly knocked the wind out of Narvin. Even now, with the three of them walking side by side, it felt <em>right.</em> Once Leela left, would he and Romana be left in ruins once again?</p><p>He glanced over at Romana. No. They would still miss Leela dearly, of course they would, but he thought that they had both learned their lessons. It would be hard without Leela, but this time, they would have each other to fall back on.</p><p>They reached Romana’s quarters and she invited them into her front room. It was spotless, so much so that it hardly looked lived in. Narvin tried to insist that he make the tea while she sat down, but Romana stubbornly refused. She swore him to secrecy as she used an actual kettle to boil water. She got out a few teabags and distributed them among three teacups, pouring the water with her usual easy grace.</p><p>The sight calmed Narvin’s nerves. She was going to be fine.</p><p>They drank tea and specifically avoided the topic that they were all wanting to talk about. Narvin related the story of how he’d found Leela with some help from Leela herself when it came to the part about the snake battle. Romana actually laughed a little, something that relieved Narvin even more. He hadn’t heard her laugh in a long time.</p><p>Then, of course, it came to the inevitable question:</p><p>“How long will you be staying, Leela?” Romana asked.</p><p>Narvin almost didn’t look at Leela’s face. But when he did, there was something soft there that he hadn’t expected.</p><p>“For a little while.” She frowned, her eyebrows drawn tightly together. “For…as long as you need me, Romana.”</p><p>It was a good thing Narvin hadn’t been sipping his tea because he would have choked. He knew what she was saying.</p><p>She was staying.</p><p>
  <em>Leela was staying.</em>
</p><p>A hush fell over the room.</p><p>“I will not say that everything can go back to how it once was,” Leela continued, looking between Romana and Narvin. “I do not know if I will ever be able to forgive you, but I have come to realise that forgiving is not the same as forgetting. I can still remember what has happened and at the same time see all the good you have done since then. I know that you, Narvin, are different than you were, and that you, Romana, hold an office that I cannot truly understand.” She paused, rubbing her thumb absently against her cup. “I thought that the strongest thing I could do was leave Gallifrey and be on my own. I realise now that perhaps the strongest thing I can do is remain and…start to forgive.”</p><p>“Leela,” Romana said, “even if you can never forgive me—and really, I wouldn’t blame you for that—I will always be happy to have you here.”</p><p>“And the same goes for me. Look how far we got without you,” Narvin said with a humourless laugh.</p><p>Leela rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You time lords always need protecting, even from yourselves. I do not think I have any other choice than to stay here and make sure you do not throw yourselves into danger.”</p><p>“You <em>do </em>have a choice,” Romana insisted. She glanced over at Narvin. “I’m sure neither of us wants you to think differently. You will always have a place here on Gallifrey, but if you want to leave, we will respect that choice too.”</p><p>Narvin nodded. He agreed fully, though the thought of Leela leaving again sent a painful stab through his hearts.</p><p>Leela’s expression softened. “Thank you, Romana. I will stay, for now. I can make no promises beyond that. Now, let us talk of better things while you are still getting your strength back.”</p><p>Romana huffed. “You two are making such a fuss, I’m <em>fine!”</em></p><p>They eased back into more normal conversation. There were laughter and smiles as they talked late into the night until Narvin felt weariness weighing upon him. One glance at Leela and Romana told him that they were feeling the same. He rose to leave and Leela stood beside him. For a moment, there was quiet; Narvin realised that none of them was quite sure how to say goodbye. For his own part, he was still waiting to wake up and realise that this had all been a dream.</p><p>“Thank you for being there,” Romana said, breaking the silence. “When I was unconscious, I heard you both. I thought they were just dreams, but they weren’t, were they?”</p><p>Narvin smiled. “We’re with you, Madame President. No matter what. Please let me know if you need anything.”</p><p>“Or me,” Leela added.</p><p>Romana nodded. “Thank you.”</p><p>Narvin and Leela left. For the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, Narvin’s hearts were light and unweighted. Leela started walking, and Narvin followed like an instinct. She wasn’t telling him to go away, so that was a good sign.</p><p>“Narvin,” Leela said, “there is…more that I remember from that day. In the wine cellar.”</p><p>Narvin frowned. He’d been so occupied with his mistake that he’d nearly forgotten about everything else he’d said that day. But as he glanced over at her he had a sudden memory of looking down at her face, her beauty striking him like it never had before.</p><p>
  <em>“Dear, sweet Leela.”</em>
</p><p>But surely that couldn’t be…</p><p>“Oh? Like what?”</p><p>She came to a halt. Narvin skidded to a stop, realising they were outside her quarters. Instead of going straight inside Leela paused, looking up at him. There was a playful smile on her face, a smile that he’d missed so much. “You <em>are </em>my eighteenth favourite time lord.” And then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, she rose up onto her toes and kissed his cheek. Before Narvin could even process what was happening, she was walking into her quarters. “I will see you tomorrow, Narvin.” The door closed softly behind her.</p><p>Narvin put a hand to his cheek delicately as if the memory itself would shatter. A year ago, he thought he’d lost Leela forever. Not long after, he thought he’d lost Romana too. But things were falling back into place, like the three of them couldn't quite exist without each other. Their relationships with Leela may never be fully mended…</p><p>But Narvin brushed his fingertips over where Leela's lips had touched his skin. <em>Hope. </em>No, it would never go back to how it was, but it was a new start, and it was all he’d ever wanted.</p>
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